You’ve been told that you’re supposed to get eight hours of sleep, seven at the very least. You’re trying to take care of yourself, knowing that if you become sleep deprived, your physical and mental health will both suffer. So, at 10:00 the previous evening, you finally put aside your work and went to bed, though you hadn’t met your goals and the deadlines were already too close for comfort. Waking up fresh would help you get things done more quickly, you told yourself.
Now, in the dark, you realize that your eyes have been open for a while, though you can’t remember when that happened. There was a dream of being chased, and seeking refuge in a cold lake, hiding under a raft, but you couldn’t find your way back to the edge of it. You realized that this was the end. You were going to drown.
Slowly, it occurs to you that you can’t drown, because you’re in your bed. Yet, the feeling of struggling for breath remains. You remember what you will have to accomplish in the day to come, a pile of obligations that you already know you won’t be able to meet. You think of the consequences of your failures, the bills you won’t be able to paid, the promises you will be forced to break, the relationships that you’ll lose.
You had hoped to wake up rested, but you feel as exhausted as you did when you went to bed. The burdens you face seem even heavier than before.
You are experiencing the emotion that was once referred to by the Old English word uhtceare. Uht is the hour before dawn, and ceare is worry. So, uhtceare is the specific kind of worry a person feels, lying in bed, awake before the sun rises, filled with anxiety about the day to come.
