The emotion of “sour grapes” comes from an ancient tale that was first put down in writing in a collection of stories attributed to Aesop. In the story, a hungry fox notices a delicious-looking bunch of grapes, but cannot reach them. It feels stymied. After several more attempts to get to the grapes, the fox declares that the effort was a waste of time, because the grapes are obviously sour and would not be enjoyable to eat anyway.
Bitterness plays a central role in this story, as the fox mirrors the supposed foul taste of the grapes it has pursued. This bitterness, however, is a false posture that conceals a different emotional reaction. Sour grapes is not the same thing as a bitter feeling, because it includes an emotional adjustment to a hunger that can never be sated. While bitter people focus on the sour emotions they feel, people experiencing sour grapes divert themselves away from the bitterness of their disappointment, transforming it into a more palatable sense of relief.
The conventional moral lesson of Aesop’s fable is that it is ridiculous to pretend to despise the wonderful things that are out of our reach. Instead, we’re told, we ought to acknowledge how much we want them, and honestly admit that we’re simply not capable of achieving our goals.
I suggest a different interpretation. Although it’s healthy to have an honest assessment of our own desires and abilities, too much of this sort of honesty can lead to despair. The world is full of things that we want but can’t have. Even more than in Aesop’s time, we can watch the lives of rich and powerful people, and feel inadequate because we don’t have what they have. The truth is that, behind their dazzling public images, the rich and powerful experience sourness as well. No life is without struggle and disappointment. All lives end in pain and death.
Of course, it’s true that the rich and powerful have a much better ride toward pain and death than the rest of us. An impoverished drug addict with cancer will have a much worse experience than a wealthy drug addict with cancer. It would be dishonest to deny that, but a little bit of dishonesty now and then can help to ameliorate the hurt feelings that come along with our dashed hopes. Maybe sour grapes is a coping mechanism, and not a character flaw.
Probably, that bunch of grapes would have been nice and tasty. Nonetheless, I respect the fox for finding a way to recover from its failure, to stay on its feet in order to seek more attainable pleasures.
