What do you want?
In superhero movies and page-turners written for the beach, the answer to this question is clear. The hero has a goal, but encounters obstacles and must overcome them. In real life, our struggles are not so simple. What we face is not as simple as summoning dedication or being clever in the achievement of our goals. We usually want more than one thing at a time, and need to prioritize one desire over all the others. Even worse, we sometimes want two things that are in direct opposition to each other. This is the essence of the emotional conflict of ambivalence.
Imagine someone who has been working hard at a job that they love, and has been offered a promotion to a position in management as a result of their skill. The person might want to accept the promotion, because they appreciate the recognition and because they could use the financial rewards that come along with the new job. At the very same time, that person might want to reject the promotion, knowing that the role of a manager would not include the most fulfilling aspects of their current job.
There isn’t a single correct answer for a person in that kind of position. Both options speak authentically to their desires. Both options will lead to loss.
Moments of ambivalence remind us that there is no preordained plan for our lives. There is no one truth that can guide our way forward. Not only is it impossible to have everything that we want, but we are often placed in positions where we’re forced to sacrifice one aspect of ourselves in order to allow another part to survive and thrive.
Life is full of crossroads, and rarely do the routes we follow loop back to give us a second opportunity to try the road not taken.
